The Death of a Mother Part Three: A Tale of Two Cemeteries

This is a tale of two burials and two different cemeteries.

My father died in 1968 and was buried at what we'll call Cemetery A. As the family has grown, married and moved away, it is a cemetery that has been difficult for us to visit. My wife’s parents, who moved from Long Island to live with us, are buried at Cemetery B. One of my brothers died in 2015, was cremated, and his cremains given to my wife and me by his children to bury with my mother when she passed. My mother became very ill at the age of 101 in February 2016, and we were advised to call a priest to administer last rites. We contacted Cemetery A with the expectation of burying my mother with my father there. We mentioned my brother’s cremains and the representative said, “Oh, that will cost you $250 to place them in your mother’s casket.” After further family discussion, we concluded it might be better to bury my mother with my brother’s cremains at Cemetery B, which we visit frequently, and later move my father to Cemetery B. We contacted Cemetery A about this and were told there would be no problem.

We discussed the plan with family members and received their approval. We then went to Cemetery B and discussed the plan with a young man there. He told us we had to buy a second lot for my father at a cost of $1,750 because there was a limit of two individuals per plot and my mother and brother counted as two. I said that we had received a different impression from Cemetery B. He talked to the manager there who supported his conclusion. I then called and called and worked my way up the chain of command. The last man I talked to insisted that the two-person limit was unchangeable. I noted that the lady at Cemetery A said that placing my brother’s cremains in my mother’s casket would only cost $250. He said, “Oh, that occurs when people surprise us at the burial with cremains and at that point we charge them $250 as a recordation fee.” I said, “So, if I just surprised you with the cremains at the burial it would cost $250 but because I told you up front it will cost $1,750. And he said, “That’s about it.”

The young man signed us up for two lots. We drove around Cemetery B and found two lots on a hill where they would catch the sunset in the morning. We made sure they would accommodate a headstone, which we intended to move from Cemetery A, acknowledging that both cemeteries had told us that Cemetery B had to okay the headstone. We took out our checkbook, but the young man said we didn’t have to put money down. To our happy surprise, my mother got better. A month later, I called the young man and said my mother could continue on or could go at any time. He said, “Don’t worry. You have these sites! They are yours!”

My mother suffered another steep decline in mid-April 2017, and we were told she would last only a few days. My wife and I drove to Cemetery B the next day with the paperwork the young man had given us the year before. We found out he no longer worked there. The new young man whom we met told us that the two sites we had been told were ours had been sold because the first young man had written nothing down to hold the lots for us. Showing the paperwork the first young man had given us, I askedhe second one, “How could this have happened?” The new young man volunteered that it was not a surprise because his predecessor had made many similar mistakes and lapses. The new young man drove us around, and none of the sites he showed us would allow us to move the headstone from Cemetery A. With my mother likely to go to the Lord soon, we were forced to pick the best two lots available, which were not on a hill and were closer to the rear fence than we would have liked. And so, rather than utilizing the headstone we owned that would cost us just $250 to move, we were required to buy a flat monument for a cost of $3,500.

My mother passed away, and the burial at Cemetery B was done professionally, and everyone was very nice. As my mother’s personal representative/executor, I spent the summer getting her estate in order and selling her house. Once we sold the house, we had the money in the estate to move my father to Cemetery B. We met with Cemetery B, and I brought my letter of administration as personal representative for the estate from the D.C. superior court. We were told that there wasn’t much they could do until the D.C. government granted a disinterment permit, which I was the only one who could secure because I was the petitioner. They helped me fill out the petition form,and the cemetery director signed it. The next day, I went to the appropriate D.C. government office, took a number, and waited two hours. When my number was called, I walked to the cage, presented the petition plus my letter of administration, and the lady said, “I can’t accept the petition because it’s hand written. All submissions must be typed.” I said that the cemetery had helped me fill out the form, and she said, “They should have known better!” She told me to sit down and she would get the registrar to explain to me how disinterments are done in the District of Columbia. After two more hours of waiting, I had to go and retrieved my paperwork from the clerk.

My brother called Cemetery A, described my wasted day and asked if the staff there could submit the form. He was told yes, but it would cost us $200. It took a week before someone from Cemetery A went down to the D.C. government office. We then received an email from Cemetery A informing us that the D.C. government said the form had to be submitted by email. The logical response is that if Cemetery A didn’t know how disinterments are handled in the District of Columbia they should have called and found out before imposing on me and wasting two weeks in the process. The petition was finally submitted and ultimately approved. But the delay pushed the disinterment and reburial into winter.

The disinterment and reburial were finally scheduled for January. My brother and I went to Cemetery A at 10 on an extremely cold morning, I signed the paperwork and paid the bill. We went to Cemetery B where we met my wife. Everything finally went flawlessly, and my father now rests next to my mother and brother.

Copyright 2018 by John T. Aquino